Saturday, March 19, 2016

By Unknown

Things to Do and Talk About on a First Date

Nervous about going on a first date? Check out these simple tips for how to have a great time on your date no matter how shy you think you are!

Don't let shyness get in the way of a good time on your next date.

Sometimes going out with a group of people while on a date can help ease the fear of running out of things to talk about on a first date.
Sometimes going out with a group of people while on a date can help ease the fear of running out of things to talk about on a first date.
If you are shy or nervous about going on a date with someone new, here are some tips and suggestions to help make your first meeting memorable. These tips for first dates are useful for other kinds of dates, not just romantic dates. Whenever you have to spend time with someone you do not know well, such as a new business client or a distant relative you know little about, these suggestions for how to pick a venue, how to present yourself, and how to keep the conversation going will help put both you and your social companion at ease.
Small talk is actually a very useful tool for getting to know someone on a first date or first meeting.
Small talk is actually a very useful tool for getting to know someone on a first date or first meeting.
Be on time. Try not to be too early, but more importantly, never be late for your date. If you have a genuine reason for being late, call ahead and let your date know so that they don't wonder if they've been blown off. It's just a common courtesy.
Show up for your date. This doesn’t just mean that you just have to show up and meet your date. It means that you are committed to being present, aware, and mindful during your date. Your attention is focused on the person you are with. You shouldn’t be creating shopping lists in your head or watching the door for someone you know to walk in and save you from being shy. Don't let your mind wander off. It doesn't matter how badly your boss treated you that day, stay focused on the here and now. Be fully present while on a date. Put away anything that beeps, buzzes, or rings, too. Unless you have a genuine emergency on your hands, put your phone calls on hold.
Dress appropriately for the occasion. Wear the right shoes if you are going for a walk. Wear layered clothing if you will be doing any outdoor sports so that you can adjust your clothing if the weather changes or you happen to start perspiring. Make sure that your clothing is clean and well-cared for. Holes in your shoes, ripped collars, or your favorite red shirt that's so faded it’s now peach-colored send the message that you can’t be bothered to take care of your clothes. If you can’t keep your clothes clean, what else do you have trouble keeping clean? Dress in such a way that if you were to bump into your boss or your date’s mother while the two of you are out, you wouldn’t be embarrassed about the way you look. Taking care of how you present yourself to the world is an easy way to boost your confidence and get over your shyness.
Choose an activity for your first rendez-vous that doesn’t involve eating a large meal. Don’t eat a large meal together on your first date. Eating in front of someone you are trying to impress can lead to embarrassing and awkward moments. A large meal can also be expensive and it invites more opportunities for one, or both, of you to commit a faux-pas. Stick to lighter fare such a tapas or small plate meals. Meeting for a coffee and dessert works well for first dates, too, especially if you don’t have a whole lot of time and you're still trying to decide if this person is someone you want to devote more of your time to. A coffee is long enough for you to get an impression of the other person, but not so long that the date will feel awkward if the two of you don’t hit it off.
Hamburgers may seem like a relaxed, easy meal for a first date. But they can also be quite messy. If you are nervous on your first date, try a light, non-finger-food meal instead.
Hamburgers may seem like a relaxed, easy meal for a first date. But they can also be quite messy. If you are nervous on your first date, try a light, non-finger-food meal instead.
Don’t be afraid to make "just" small talk on your first date. It’s OK to talk about the weather; in fact, it should be expected that on your first date you’d just be scratching the surface of all the things you could possibly talk about with your social companion. You don’t want to disclose too many personal details early on (i.e.; childhood trauma, family issues, health issues, your greatest fears). If this person is the right person for you, talking about intimate topics such as family history and personal health issues will come up naturally as the two of you develop stronger emotional bonds and feelings of trust. 

Here are some things you can talk about to get the small talk flowing at a friendly, comfortable level:
  • Talk about your pets
  • Ask your date if he or she has gone on any interesting vacations recently
  • Talk about music, sports, arts and entertainment and non-controversial current events; avoid polarizing political issues on first dates
  • Tell a story about a funny thing that happened to you recently.Did you do something silly and absent-minded that made you laugh at yourself recently? Talk about that! Sharing a funny, gently self-deprecating story is a great way to let your date know that you are easy-going and approachable. A warm, friendly sense of humor is always attractive on a first date.

    Say something nice (but not creepy) to your date. Give your date a compliment on any unique clothing or accessories they're wearing. Do they have a funky belt buckle? Cool boots? A customized or monogrammed piece of jewelry? Did one of their tattoos catch your eye? Why not ask about it? People like to express who they are through the things they wear and the way they decorate themselves. Avoid compliments on body parts. Telling someone they have beautiful legs on a first date is kind of creepy. But a compliment on their radiant smile is always nice.

    If you want to have a good time on your first date, be curious about your social companion. Ask open-ended questions that prompt more than 'yes' or 'no.' For example, “How are you?” is too broad; it’s more of a polite greeting than a useful conversation starter. Making small talk on a first date is easier when you pose questions that start with, “What do you think of…;” “What kind of movies make you laugh?”; “How did you end up living in this city?”

    Tips for making small talk in a large group

    source:http://hubpages.com/relationships/10-Things-to-Talk-About-on-a-First-Date-Dating-Tips-for-Shy-People
 
By Unknown

First Date Tips: What to Talk About and What Topics Are Taboo

First dates aren’t easy. They usually consist of moments of awkward silence, fear of having food between your teeth, wondering if he noticed your nervousness, thinking you said something really stupid and wishing you could take it back, and the worst one, trying to think of what the heck you should talk about!
On my recent Steve Harvey show appearance, where I gave divorce advice to two recently divorced women, I was asked to give some first date tips.
One of my tips was: Don’t talk about why you got divorced for more than a few minutes. Why? Because your date might be going through his or her own divorce, and is probably viewing dating as refreshing. The last thing he or she wants to do is relive your divorce, hear your complaints and analyze what your ex spouse might or might not be thinking and feeling.
Besides not talking about your divorce, there are other topics of conversation you should stay away from on a first date. There are also some great topics that are perfect for a first date; topics that will spark intellectual, emotional and positive conversation, hopefully resulting in a second date!
1. Bad topic: Politics. Obamacare is not first date stuff! People get really sensitive and offended if the person they are with doesn’t share their political views.
Good topic: What’s in the news. If you aren’t already watching the news and reading the paper, please start. Aside from the fact that it makes you a more intelligent person, that it’s healthy to be informed and knowledgeable, and that you are setting an example for your kids, knowing what’s going on really does make you more attractive and interesting to your date. Plus, it sparks interesting, thoughtful conversation. I know you are busy, but you can get caught up on world news if you invest even 15 minutes a day reading the paper or news online.
2. Bad topic: Old relationships. Just like your date doesn’t want to hear about your ex, no one wants to hear about an old boyfriend you still miss dearly, or the one who got away.
Good topic: Kids or family. Your date went out for dinner with you to get to know YOU, and the best way he or she can do that is to hear you talk about your kids or your family, the people you are closest to. I always like to watch a man’s expression when he talks about his kids. That tells me everything I need to know about what kind of father and person he is. Or, one time I was dating this guy and he talked about how “stupid” his mother was. I RAN the other way. Seriously.
3. Bad topic: Your job (if you are unhappy). I think there are two types of people. Those who go to their jobs only to bring home a paycheck, and those who truly have passion for what they do. If you are the former, keep your job description brief and instead talk about your hobbies and/or interests outside of the office. By the way, I have nothing against people who work for a paycheck. I’m not judging. I’m just saying, whatever you talk about with your date, talk about it with passion and happiness, versus “My boss is an a-hole.”
Good topic: hobbies, interests, travel. Let’s say you just got back from Spain, or you have a trip planned to China. Or, you just started doing yoga and you love it! (That’s what I would talk about if I had a first date tonight.) Or, you are learning Spanish. First dates are all about figuring out if you want to have a relationship with this person. And so much of that comes down to having things in common. So, tell your date what turns you on!
4. Bad topic: Sex. It’s just in bad taste to start talking about sex on a first date. It just is.
Good topic: Love. You might disagree with me, but I think it’s okay to talk about love and relationships, and what you think makes a good one. Get it on the table! Tell your date what you want and don’t want. I’m not saying to tell your date you want to be married within the year, but saying, “I’m really looking to fall in love,” or “I would like to be married again someday,” aren’t forbidden. Use your best judgment, but be honest. Chances are, your date wants that too.
In closing, of all the first date tips I can give, the best one is to just be yourself. Be authentic. BUT, be YOUR BEST self. Offer your date the things you love about yourself; your passion, your heart, your humor, perhaps. Leave your divorce baggage at home tonight.
By Unknown

20 First Date Questions You Don’t Want to Ask — Ever

As a matchmaker for eH+, I have pretty much heard it all when it comes to first dates — and the things some people actually say to one another! If you want to make sure your first encounter is a success, here are a few first date questions you should avoid asking if you want your crush to ask you out a second time! And yes, most of the questions below were actually asked on dates.
Twenty first date questions you don’t want to ask — ever:
1. How much money do you make?
2. How do I look?
3. Who did you vote for in the last election?
4. How many kids do you want to have?
5. What kind of wedding do you want to have?
6. What went wrong between you and your ex?
7. Have you ever cheated on someone?
8. Have you ever been in love?
9. Where do you see this relationship going?
10. Why are you single?
11. Are you afraid of commitment?
12. What do your parents do?
13. Do you have any STDs?
14. What’s your greatest regret?
15. Do you think your parents will like me?
16. Are you on a diet?
17. Is that tan spray-on?
18. Have you ever had plastic surgery?
19. What’s your five-year plan?
20. Wanna come up for a drink?

source:http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating-tips-women/20-first-date-questions-you-dont-want-to-ask-ever/#.Vu0Kv99myA5

By Unknown

What to Talk About on a First Date

Impressing someone on the very first date can be a difficult task. But if you know what to talk about on a first date, you’ll see that impressing a love interest within minutes can be very easy.

For most men and women, the hardest part of a date is knowing what to talk about on a first date, especially during those first few minutes, when it’s all jitters and one-foot hops.
And the worst part, we’re all familiar with the fact that the first few minutes is all that it takes for your date to make an opinion about you!
Life can be easy if you know how to keep things easy.
You don’t need to be a charmer to make your date like you, if you know how to be nice and sweet.
Once you understand how to be a good date every time, you should be on your way to figuring out what to talk about on a first date in no time.
What to talk about on a first date: AT FIRST SIGHT
Be warm
If you’re meeting this person for a first date, or even if you’ve just been introduced, smile. It can do you a lot of good.
It’s a lot more comforting for a girl to be around someone who isn’t a brooding freak from Hell Boy. Make her appreciate the fact that you’re around her.
Don’t pick ‘em up
You may think it’s cool to use pick up lines or wise one-liners at the start or when you run out of things to say, but hold on to your horses.
There aren’t too many men who have been able to boast about the perfect fairytale romance with a woman, especially when their conversation started with something like “If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?”
What to talk about on a first date: THOSE FIRST FEW MINUTES
If you’ve always wondered what what to talk about on a first date or the first few minutes after meeting her, here are a few pointers that you could use. And if you know how to work your way around these simple questions, you could probably have enough to talk about, for the whole day. And she’d love you and be impressed by you, definitely!
#1 I’m so happy to see you
So you bump in or pull a chair back for her on your first date, good. The first thing you elaborate about after both of you are ready to talk is this one line. Talk about how happy you are to see her, or how nice it is to have bumped in to her. It’s just a sentence, yes, but one that warms both of you up for the good things to come. [Read: Perfect questions to ask on a first date]
#2 I love that!
So she looks great. You’re all giddy with excitement to be around her. So tell her about it. Saying “you look great!” is a dull compliment. Go one step further.
Is it her hair? Her dress? Or is it something else that you can mention on a first date? Complimenting your date tells her that the effort she’s taken has been noticed and appreciated. If she’s wearing a red dress, you could mention the detail about red being your favorite color, or something along those lines.
#3 On my way here
Did you have a long day at work, or were you unexpectedly delayed? Or did you notice anything fascinating on the way to see her? A glorious sunset that reminded you of her beautiful face, perhaps? Talk about anything interesting that happened to you on the way. [Read: Best places to go on a date]
That’s a few good minutes to charm her and keep the conversation going. And she too might add in a few details about anything interesting she saw on her way to the date.
#4 How was your day?
Show your interest in her life within the first few minutes of the date by speaking about her day. Not only will that keep the conversation light and friendly, it can open up details for a lot more things to ask as the date progresses. And she would feel nice when she sees that her date is quite interested in her everyday life.
#5 Look around you
You’d probably have a lot of things to talk about by now, but in case you still haven’t been able to pick pointers, look around you and talk about something interesting. If you’re at a restaurant, you could talk about why you like the place, an incident that occurred there, about the ambience, or just about anything else. Read these great tips on how to pick the perfect restaurant for a date .
Likewise, talk about something that’s taken your fancy wherever you are, even if you aren’t at a restaurant. But don’t ever talk about other people who are around. That would only sound nosy and gossipy. That’s alright if you know her already though.
#6 Sweet sweet memories
Can you recollect anything interesting or funny? Remember, as much as knowing what to talk about on a first date is about pleasing the girl, it’s a lot more about blowing your own trumpet and bragging to impress her. Discreetly, of course.
You do have to impress her, right? So recollect a few funny incidents that you could narrate to her, and maybe she too may have a few pointers to add. But never let that drawl on and on past the entrées, the main course, and the dessert. No fascinating anecdote should be longer than a minute or two, unless of course, her eyes have lit up like the floodlights at a football stadium!
Along with these tips on what to talk about on a first date with a girl, you can also read this feature onhow to get a girl to like you to polish yourself up for one of the best sweet talking dates of your life!
On your next date, relax and feel confident from within. Keep these tips on what to talk about on a first date with a girl in mind… and go dazzle!
source:http://www.lovepanky.com/men/dating-women-tips-for-men/what-to-talk-about-on-a-first-date
By Unknown

15 Great First Date Questions

There they sit—you could spot them a mile away. A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. No doubt about it, they’re on their first date.
How do we know it’s their first time out together? All the observable and obvious clues: They are nicely groomed—stylish, but not overdone. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact.
Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. The two pick at their dinner salads, staring down at the leafy mound before them. He seems tongue-tied, she seems self-conscious. Finally, one of them tries to grease the wheels of conversation.
Him: How’s your salad?
Her: Good. And yours?
Him: Yeah, really good.
More excruciating silence ensues.
As would-be romances go, this plane is very slow to leave the gate and get onto the runway. It remains to be seen if it will pick up speed, gain altitude, and soar skyward . . . or if it will lose engine power and sit on the tarmac indefinitely.
Do not let this happen to you! It’s true that first dates can be one of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-producing situations in our society. Sometimes they lead to burning love; sometimes they go down in flames. The key to having a positive experience is relaxed conversation, and that can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions. Before we get to those, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse:
Listen as much or more than you talk. Some people consider themselves skilled communicators because they can talk endlessly. But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. Each person gets a turn—and no one hogs the ball.
Peel the onion, don’t stab it with a paring knife. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. It’s a slow and safe process. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. For now, take it easy.
Don’t dump. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy.
Genuine interest goes a long way. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not. Either way, it’s exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what he/she says. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.
With those thoughts in mind, now it’s time to think about specific first date questions.
Try these:
1. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
2. What kinds of things really make you laugh?
3. What’s your favorite place in the entire world?
4. Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her?
5. Favorite movie of all time? Why so?
6. What’s your biggest goal in life right now?
7. What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday?
8. Do you have any pet peeves?
9. What was your family like growing up?
10. What were you like as a kid?
11. What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
12. Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?
13. Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?
14. Have you figured out your calling in life? What is it?
15. What do you hate most about the dating process? (Tell me so I can avoid it!)
See more first date questions we love!
Maybe you’ve got your own great first date questions, surefire winners that get the conversation rolling. If not, use these and come up with others—but by all means, give some forethought to how you’d like a discussion with a new partner to unfold. You’ll give yourself a chance at a magnificent, rather than miserable, first date.
source:http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/15-great-first-date-questions/#.Vu0KNd9myA4

By Unknown

11 Results from Studies About Online Dating

With more and more people relying on online dating to meet a partner, the act of online dating also gets studied more and more. Here are 11 revelations from recent studies.

1. 81 PERCENT OF PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT, WEIGHT, OR AGE IN THEIR ONLINE DATING PROFILES.

This phenomenon was observed in a study conducted at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. The researchers weighed and measured subjects in addition to checking their driver’s licenses for their actual ages, then looked at their subjects’ online dating profiles. Women tended to claim that they were 8.5 pounds lighter than they actually were. Men lied by less—only two pounds—but rounded up their height by a half inch more often. People lied the least when it came to age.

2. PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE WORD “LOVE” IN THEIR PROFILES ARE MORE LIKELY TO FIND LOVE.

This year, the dating site PlentyofFish conducted a study in which scientists examined word choice in all 1.2 million dating profiles on the site. In addition to the observation that those who used the word “love” more were more successful in finding it, the researchers discovered that men benefitted from using the words “heart,” “children,” “romantic,” and “relationship.”

3. MEN SPEND 50 PERCENT LESS TIME READING ONLINE DATING PROFILES THAN WOMEN.

In 2012, the research company AnswerLab conducted a study in which they used a Tobii X1 Light Eye Tracker, which recorded the eye movements of subjects who were reading online dating profiles from Match.com and eHarmony.com. By doing this, they were able determine where men and women were actually looking while reading online dating profiles. As it happens, men spend 65 percent more time looking at the pictures in the profile than women do.

4. RACE AND CLASS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTORS TO ONLINE DATERS.

In September, BuzzFeed ran an experiment in which one of their writers built a mock-Tinder with stock photos. She found that when someone viewed the person in the Tinder profile picture as “working-class,” they would swipe “yes” 13 percent of the time. But, when they considered the person “middle-class,” they swiped “yes” between 36 and 39 percent of the time. The study also found that people preferred a potential partner to be of mixed or ambiguous race instead of a blatantly different race than their own. OkCupid co-founder, Christian Rudder, confirmed her findings. He noted, “When you’re looking at how two American strangers behave in a romantic context, race is the ultimate confounding factor.”
A recent study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciencesdoes note that this phenomenon isn’t as bad as it might seem. According to the researchers at the University of California San Diego, the majority of heterosexuals on OKCupid did contact people of another race or at least answer messages from them.

5. THE ALGORITHMS CAN’T PREDICT WHETHER TWO PEOPLE ARE COMPATIBLE.

A group of U.S. psychology professors collaborated on a report, describing the faults of online dating, which was published in the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest in 2012. The dating sites wouldn't share their specific algorithms with the researchers, but the professors stated that the sites couldn’t predict whether a relationship would last just because two people had similar interests and personalities. According to Professor Eli Finkel, who worked on the report, "We reviewed the literature and feel safe to conclude they do not [work]."

6. ONE-THIRD OF ONLINE DATERS NEVER GO ON DATES WITH PEOPLE THEY MEET ONLINE.

This surprising statistic comes from a survey conducted in late 2013 by the Pew Research Center. Even more surprising, this is actually a significantly lower number than it used to be. In 2005, over half of people with online dating profiles never went on an in-person date with someone they had met on the site.

7. WOMEN WHO DON’T DRINK RECEIVE 24 PERCENT FEWER MESSAGES THAN WOMEN WHO DO.

PlentyOfFish put together graphics describing the most “desirable singles of 2014,” based on what they observed heterosexual online daters liked in the opposite sex; the site claimed that women are more likely to get messages if they are Catholic, have a dog, earn more than $25,000, and don’t have a masters degree. Men get more messages if they are Christian, brunette, high-earners, and PhDs.

8. 30 PERCENT OF WOMEN CONSULT WITH A FRIEND ABOUT THEIR PROFILE. ONLY 16 PERCENT OF MEN DO.

This accounts for a total of 22 percent of people with online dating profiles who ask a friend “to help them create or review their profile,” according to the Pew Research Center.

9. COUPLES WHO MEET ONLINE ARE MORE LIKELY TO BREAK UP.

A recent study that claims couples who met on dating sites are less likely to get married has been getting a lot of traction on the Internet. Researchers from Stanford University and Michigan State University surveyed more than 4000 people and they learned that breakups were more common in couples who met online versus offline. They claim that the phenomenon holds true for both married and unmarried couples.

10. ON THE FLIP SIDE: COUPLES WHO MEET ONLINE ARE LESS LIKELY TO DIVORCE.

Obviously this phenomenon needs to be studied a little more. A 2013 study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that 35 percent of the 20,000 people who responded to a survey met their spouse online. The study also contradicts the Stanford and Michigan State study by claiming that couples who met online have a 6 percent separation and divorce rate whereas couples who met offline have an 8 percent rate. (It’s worth noting that the study was funded by eHarmony.)

11. ONLINE DATING SAVES PEOPLE $6400.

If you believe that people do marry sooner when they use online dating, then you can also believe that online dating saves you money. A group of researchers at ConvergEx Groupcalculated that couples who meet online get married after 18.5 months, on average. Couples who don’t meet online, on the other hand, wait an average of 42 months before marrying. ConvergEx group factored in $130 per week for dates, making total cost $23,660 versus $12,803. If the pair is splitting bills, that’s around $6400 each saved before marriage.
source:http://mentalfloss.com/article/59509/11-results-studies-about-online-dating
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